But God spared my life at six years old before I knew Him. My father was a mean and sick man who took pleasure in the suffering of others. At six I truly enjoyed the times when visitors came to our house because my father suddenly became sweet and fun, which really confused me. You see, when there was no one watching, he was mean, ugly, self-serving and severely abusive.
I remember one of his friends came to visit one evening and he started playing with me and the noise woke my dad up from a nap on the sofa. Dad was clearly angry, but he was an expert at hiding his anger until no one was looking. I have completely blocked out the brutal beating I was given because I had disturbed his nap, but my mother kept me home from school for days for fear that the authorities would be called to take me away. She thought he had killed me, but God answered her prayers and I suppose mine as well.
Fast forward 28 years and my third marriage was about to end. I learned very early from my family that the only way to solve a problem was to run and hide. We ran from his abuse. We ran for help from family, fiends, and law enforcement, but no one came to our rescue. People looked the other way as my father molested and sold my baby sisters into prostitution for drugs. Family members feared him and did not dare challenge him to save us. NO ONE came for us. No one! I was about to run a third time.....
But God answered. The phone rang as I sat on my bed alone in September, 1996 about to shoot myself. My life seemed hopeless with two daughters of my own, a step-daughter and another failed marriage. I was saved at 16, but had never really learned how to walk with Christ, much less ever trust anyone. Men were completely out of the question. I sat there that day and screamed out to God to answer me if I was worth saving. At that very moment the phone rang. It was Ron, my third husband, and he wanted me know he loved me. Hope was birthed in me that day. I returned to him, and we are still together which is a miracle itself. It has not been easy, and there have been times over the past 15 years that wanted to run and hide, but God said no. I did not want to obey, but going through discipleship at FBC Loganville changed my heart and mind. I have learned to trust Him when everything around me is falling apart and simply listen and obey.
If I had succeeded that day, my three oldest daughters would be motherless, my mom would be without her eldest child, my sisters would be alone in their pain, my husband would be broken again because of a sinful woman, and my youngest daughter would not exist. But God had a plan. The plan that could make the most sinful, selfish, ugly and messed up woman into something He chose to love.
Hope is my word! I use it often. It keeps me going and gives me peace. Romans 5 is the passage I cling to. It says, Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through Jesus Christ through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And, we (I) rejoice in the HOPE of the glory of God. I also rejoice in my sufferings, because they produce perseverance and character and character produces HOPE. Hope does not disappoint me. Ever!
[ Submitted by April Ross ]
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