I have had many But God moments in my life…Most people know me as a woman who lived on the streets as a prostitute and the fact that I’m here today, was my But God moment. Or the fact that I have a incurable disease that has successfully been in remission for many years now…or that I am a single mother who has had the opportunity to do things with my children that most single mothers even dream of. Yes, these are all But God events in my life…these are the outward But God stories…the obvious ones. But, I want to share about the ones that may not be so obvious to others, but they make it obvious the Lord lives in me. These are the ones that allow me to smile and be secure in Him in every situation. One most recent that no one would ever know about unless I share it is this one:
It’s been two years since my children and I set out for California to attend a Celebrate Recovery workshop. I was terrified and so were the kids. I begged God all the way there to show me just how far the east is from the west because I felt so unworthy of the calling. I attended outside CR groups. I did the Step Studies and God has revealed Himself more in the last two years than in the 9 years of sobriety I’ve been walking. Through it all I was plagued by the idea that others thought I was not trustworthy, crazy, and just not fit to be apart of God’s work. At times it would become consuming. This past summer our family was struck but a tragedy that has been so completely devastating I was not sure I would be able to go on with CR or even to come back to church period. But God had given me a responsibility that I knew I must see it through. CR must go on so I did something I would have never done before…I asked for help. I was very surprised when no one said no they wouldn’t come teach for me but I worried they would think I’m not strong and capable But God whispered in my ear, "It’s ok; watch and see what I have for you.”
What a relief to sit and allow someone to minister to me, I heard testimony of others who have let others in to help and through it all I’ve come to realize this: It was never them who thought me unfit, it was never them who didn’t trust me, and it was never them who shut me out. Quite the contrary; They were waiting for me to let them in!! I was the one who did not trust, I was the one who thought ill of me and it was I who shut them out. They always loved me right where I was.
Today, I still struggle with the death of my son-in-law but I walk in victory because I know the people at our church truly love me even when I’m at my most vulnerable. I know the pastors of FBC Loganville have allowed God to use them to minister to me in a way I never thought possible. It was way easier for me to stop doing drugs than it is for me to let people in but knowing there are people who are waiting for me to do so makes it so much easier!!!
Thank You God!!!!!
[Submitted by Tynsia Allen]
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