Our second child Adam was 6 months old and I had just turned 25 when I started having flu-like symptoms. I first mentioned it to my OB/GYN at a regular check up. He told me it was postpartum depression and to see a psychiatrist. Feeling embarrassed and angry, I ignored the symptoms as best I could until I couldn’t sleep at night because my legs ached so badly. I was sent to a podiatrist who reasoned that I walked incorrectly and needed orthodics.
Several years went by and many more symptoms when I my new OB/GYN suggested I see a rheumatologist. That doctor told me that there was something wrong with my blood work but he couldn’t give me a definitive answer. He told me I was perfectly healthy.
Four years later, I was exhausted. My body ached, my joints wouldn’t stay in their sockets and I had debilitating headaches every afternoon. I began to suffer with a “migraine like” headache EVERY day. Sometimes the pressure was so great that tears would stream down my face when I wasn’t crying. Nothing relieved the pain. Many nights I would lie in bed and beg God to take my life because I couldn’t face another day with the pain.
After 10 long years of random symptoms, I was finally diagnosed with Lupus and hyper-mobility. Unfortunately, they weren’t the cause of the headaches and although many of my ailments got under control, the headaches never let up.
I was sent to 29 different doctors. I tried 26 kinds of medicine. I had an MRI and a lumbar puncture that came up negative. I wanted to have a brain tumor or MS so I would at least know what was wrong with me.
One of the doctors I saw suggested that I stop coloring my hair and I would feel a hundred percent better. All of the physicians either said they saw no physical problem or that I needed to see a shrink. My neurologist called me in her office and told me she would no longer treat me. She said she had no idea what was wrong and that we were both wasting our time.
As if the pain and exhaustion were not enough, there was the emotional torment that comes along with having a chronic disease. Well meaning friends and family would try to make helpful suggestions that would really hurt my feelings. “Maybe you are just tired and need to rest more.” “Maybe it really is in your head, you know we didn’t have the best home life growing up.” “What diagnosis did you get this time? It’s different every time I talk to you.” “You just need more vitamins.” “Have you tried this? Have you seen this kind of doctor? Have you had this kind of test or medicine?” It’s funny how people think they know better than 29 doctors.
My husband and children knew the extent of my suffering but it didn’t keep them from adding to my hurt. One night, Donald and I got into a little spat and he mouthed off that I enjoyed being sick. To this day that was the only night I slept on the sofa.
One day on the way home from school and work, Adam asked me to do something with him. I told him I couldn’t because my head was killing me and I had to go home and lie down. He said “You do that everyday. I wish I had another mom”. I burst into tears and sobbed under my breath that I wish he had another mom too.
One day I was asking a friend how her back surgery went. She told me how much better she felt. Then she looked at me and asked had I tried going to the pain clinic. I was thinking, “Oh great, another person with an empty answer.” After 6 years of daily headaches, I had long given up hope. I reluctantly called the clinic to see if they could help. They told me that they did not treat lupus but if I wanted to come they would see me. Within 2 minutes of walking in the room Dr. Fowler touched the nerves in the back of my head and sent me cringing to my knees in pain. He said he could go in and burn those nerves and I would feel much better. You’ve never seen someone so excited about having surgery before. I had the procedure and almost immediately was headache free.
It was no accident that my friend suggested the pain clinic. It was God’s plan that my PCP referred me to a different pain clinic than hers. It was God’s divine intervention that the doctor I saw was one out of the only 2 doctor’s in Atlanta, at the time, who performed that exact procedure. It was God’s mercy and Dr. Fowler’s knowledge that gave me my life back. I have since worked for “Fowler” for 4 years. Please join me in praying that he too will have a “BUT GOD” experience and come to know Christ.
[ Submitted by Shelly Bickford ]
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